Pearl

out of nothing must come something
or somethingness will spread to nothing
out of day-in desperation
thrown words bound a thought

to build a refuge, a castle
one must stack stone upon stone
it is the same defense which drives us
to write when left alone

to build a vast imposing wall
'tween treasure troves and man?
or by those self same words create
treasure from a grain of sand?

and time's waves roll to ebb and flow
tumbled by fate's harsh hands
even gold's luster dims
in caverns measureless to man

but on the sandy life lost beach
where crimson bones fade to bleach
Crusoes to come may stoop and find
a Pearl of sand cast in my mind

Cry

If you run you know you're gonna fall down.
If you love you're gonna cry.
Within the nature of all live things
lies a day to die.

If I hold too tight I'm going to break you
But I'm afraid to let you go
So much a part of me, a girl
I've only just started to know

And it's a strange world the sun is coming down
but always rolling up again.
It's a strange thing to go from “I love you”
to “this is She, my friend”

When you look in my eyes I hope you see that night
I hope it always brings a smile
This world may be surely falling apart
But you were mine for a while

Just a little while....

So I'll run if only to fall down
and I'll jump and try to touch the sky.
Like my feet always finding the rough ground
I'll love you now if forever I must cry...

It’s the end of the world tonight
Skipping pebbles down the tracks, shuffling the gravel like so many nights before
As the first mushroom cloud reflects its mute stereoscopic glow
Off the twin polished rails
Stretching to infinity

It’s the end of the world tonight
That’s it
No more tomorrows….only today
It’s almost a relief… the only thing left is to be
To breathe

It’s the end of the world tonight
As the stars fall down for the last time
Falling to an earth that has lusted after them for so long
And buildings waver and collapse
Beneath a black tinged fiery halo

It’s the end of the world tonight
Would you dance with me?

Too well known to be a stranger
But I can't say “We're more than friends”
For such a beautiful beginning
Sad this is how it has to end

They say that in the end of ends
your heart's calluses or scars
And where between these two extremes
belies who you are

Calluses a safer bet
let no one else inside
But scars offer no regret
slip no chance to be alive

So take my heart in your hard hands
tear it up if it must be
In the end even callouses will bleed
and by my scars you will know me

Pretty far from perfect

A girl walks into a room of strangers a new adventure begins
Boy sees girl feels the change in his world as he tells himself it cannot be
Days get long as the months pass on and boy sees girl and girl sees me
And stories are passed thick and fast and feed off a joint electricity

But I’m pretty far from perfect and her dark brown eyes
And I don’t think I’m near good enough for her
I’m pretty far from perfect still I realize
That her laugh will not leave my ears alone

A little bit of my soul sneaks out of the shell and she’s holding it in her hand
I hold a little bit of her and we walk to the edge and take a step off of solid land
Well girl’s breathing fast with boy’s hand on her back and her life in his hands
And we’re both afraid of the fall with the cliffs so tall but we’re running out of time

And I’m pretty far from perfect in all measurable ways
And she’s too close to a dream for this to be real
If I was closer to perfect, I’d find some little ways
To show a perfect girl just how I feel

She snuggles up to me beneath the movie screen and says I twitch before falling asleep
Tracing fingertips daydreaming of a kiss she wraps my hand in hers
I hold her close to me as she breathes regularly and there’s an angel in my arms
As she sleeps through the dawn I just hold on and plant a kiss on her forehead

And I’m pretty far from prefect, now just as always
As I hold tightly onto her when the time is moving away
And I’m pretty far from perfect, but to her dark brown eyes
There’s something close to perfect deep inside

We laugh taking photographs in poisoned shirts shade of grass as the hourglass loses sand
And I’m poaching French fries as hours and chances die and fill the mug in my hand
We open the door to leave the sky as an ocean’s sieve and lightning shows the way
And we’re soaked right through the skin as we laugh and we dance and spin singing in the rain

And I’m pretty far from perfect, but the moment took us there
As I wrap my arms around you, water running from our hair
And it was pretty close to perfect, you me and the rain
The eleventh hour that one day in may

I wish I could say that we kept life’s ebb at bay and turned back the hands of time
It was four in the morning and up all night when we said our first goodbye
It was near three in the evening you tossed your cap high and we said again goodbye
Now it’s that day’s tomorrow and excitement covers sorrow as you are Montana bound

I’m pretty far from perfect, here on the east coast
And all true dreams, they take some chasing down
We’re pretty far from perfect, but no good tale ever ends
And we’ll only come closer each time around

love

Love is a voice in the dark
here, take my hand

Love is inviting someone into your soul
pulling them deep inside
giving them free reign of the place
your sanctuary for their playground
as you run interference against the world

love is crawling into a wrecked car
laying on top of the dead to reach out
and help the living

love is cleaning the old woman
whose memory lasts two minutes

love is thinking of her
every time you pop the cap of that drink
taste that candy

love is confused, broke and lonely
looking for the perfect piece
to solve an invisible puzzle

love wraps a blanket around the sleeping form

love holds a lot of hands, smooths a lot of brows
most of love's crying is done alone

At the end of the day, love is sweaty
dirty, with grit under its fingernails
bruised and sprained
and looking at you with clear eyes
love smiles

senses

I see nothing
I smell nothing
I taste cold, stale air
I hear my breathing
forward, behind, left, right, up, down
the water offers no resistance

I hear the whine of hydraulics, the groan of steel
I feel shattered glass against my arm, the fluttering pulse in her throat
I smell azide, gasoline, old fires and new blood
I taste garlic bread from a meal cooling miles away
I see his fear through my pitted visor before the sheet hides it

I feel the rope run through my hands
smell the pine of fresh mulch, and a whiff of gasoline
I taste the sweat on my lips
and echo the commands of the litter
as we bring her down one last slope to the waiting helicopter

I smell the smoking brakes
see the child in their arms, pale and mottled
feel the adrenaline drain from me
as I hear his father
“it's too late, isn't it?”

the room is dim, lit only by a single sparkle lamp
I smell sweat and blood
and feel it through my gloves
as I squeeze air into his lungs
Ignoring what seeps out through a bullet hole in his cheek
and yell again for a box light and backboard

ten

Alabaster baby who won't cry no more

The midlife man in bed with the bag on his head

The one who we could have gotten back
Except that the note said let go

The man whose son read from the good book when we stopped

The man who thought he was invincible
As I laid across his body to tend to his wife
Trying to rip her out of the shattered car

"Man, I don't feel so good" he said
I believed you before you died

The young man in the hotel room
We were called by his friend
After she took time to hide all the drugs
The time we needed to have a chance

Looking out onto familiar bouncing roads
I'd taken you to the hospital yesterday
And will take you in no more

Arriving at the nursing home
We took one look and ran
But you died in the elevator
Floor 2.5

You were one of the first
To be in my solo care
When you decided you didn't want to breathe
And you didn't want to fight anymore

Sometimes my ambulance gets a little crowded
Sharing space with the live and dead
Sometimes the memories go a little blurry
As I wipe the tears out of my eyes

here is my life

Hey
how're you?
I know, I haven't been here much
but i'm here now
here's my hand, if you'll take it
come here
I know where you've been
it hurt when I was there too
here.... inside me
peace... love
paid for with pain
because it hurts to love
to care, to try, and to lose
but that's how we live
nowhere near perfect... but sometimes we manage to do good
close your eyes
here, now, in my arms
here is the world for you
in my voice
in my warmth
in my tears
you're in the car with me and a new widow
you can feel her husband beneath me
her head in my hands as I comfort her
her the tremor in her voice, the snarl of the hydraulics
feel the spray of glass on my arm
as we pull her out
you can hear the band playing as I lift the little girl into the air
she buries her face in my neck
wishing this moment would last forever
that we would never let go
it will last forever
you're in the truck as we pound on a child's chest
too small for the needles and electrodes
too small for the bullet holes they flank
you're in the hospital when they tell his mother that he's gone
ten minutes after you filled his lungs with air
some sounds never leave you
you're there when we brought a little boy out of the wilderness
and his little dog too
seeing his father trying to fight back tears
and his little feet in my team-mate's tevas
you look in the sherrif's eyes with me when it comes over the radio
“we found her”
as I shake his hand
and start packing up my maps and charts
here is my life
the good
the bad
all
rest yourself in me
you're not alone
make your bed in my soul
in the morning we'll talk

it took a special little girl
to teach me to be a man
and when you see one child die
you become all childrens' father

and i will pick you up when you fall
i will pull you out of lonely woods
when you spent all night curled with a puppy dog

i will laugh when you touch the sky
and it breaks my heart each time you cry
and when i realize how much time's passed us by

and after i lay you down to sleep
tuck you in and kiss your forehead
that's when i know i can finally rest
proud of who you are